Home
by XxTartLoverxX
Summary: Just a short one-shot inspired by Christina Perri's song Arms. The first time I heard it, I thought about the Ranger/Steph relationship and I had to write it out. Rating is for language.


I don't own anything and I'm not making any money.

This story isn't beta'd so all mistakes are mine and mine alone. I hope there aren't too many. I wrote this in about an hour. This is my first fan-fic so I hope you enjoy.

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**Home**

"Why the fuck did you make me fall in love with you?" I was beyond angry. I was beyond pissed. I was livid. All this asshole did was shrug.

"Why? Why did you have to keep coming in and out of my life? Why did you have to make me want you? Why couldn't you just leave me the hell alone?" I was yelling by now. I was letting my Italian genes show with the wild hand gestures and flailing arms. He still refused to talk. He just sat there staring at me blankly. Typical for him.

"Do you realize that I could have been happy? I would have been happy with him. I could have made a life with him. We could have been married with children, but NO. I had to fall in love with you and lose the only person who is capable of loving me back." I collapsed into the chair across from him and prayed for him to say something. Anything would be better than this silence.

We sat staring at each other for God knows how many minutes. I was sick of his games and tires of the bullshit. I was done. I loved him more than anything or anyone, but it wasn't enough for him. Nothing I did was enough for him.

"You know what? Get the fuck out. I'm tired of this shit and I'm tired of you. You've ruined my life enough and I'm done." I couldn't stop the tear that fell. My heart was breaking, but this was something that needed to be said.

"You know I love you, and you know that I would do anything for you. But I can't do this anymore. I can't love you with every ounce of my being and only get half of you in return. I can't sleep with you knowing that the next morning you'll be gone." I stared at him willing him to speak. To beg me to stop talking. To take me in his arms and tell me that he'll never leave again. He didn't do or say anything.

I shook my head in disgust. Everything was a lie. He never really loved me because you don't treat someone you love like this. He never cared about my feelings or about my emotions. It was all about him getting laid and I let him use me. I let him break my heart and I think that is what pissed me off the most. I let him do this to me.

I was so disgusted with myself that I had to get away from him. I didn't want to be here anymore. I didn't want to be around him. I got up from my seat and grabbed my purse and slipped my shoes on. I opened the door to my apartment and started to walk through it, but stopped to say one last thing to the man that I love.

"Good bye, Ranger. I'll always love you...but sometimes love just isn't enough." With that, I silently closed the door and left him sitting in my small living room. I knew he would be gone when I got back. That's what he did in the past, he always left.

I drove around for hours thinking about how I let myself get to this point in my life. Here I am, 34 years old and single. A year ago I had two men who were in love with me, or so I thought. Now I have no one.

A year ago Joe Morelli asked me to marry him. I loved him, but not the same way that I loved Ranger. I knew that a marriage to Morelli would mean I wouldn't see Ranger anymore and that thought scared me, so I turned Joe down. What I didn't know then, was that was Joe's last ditch effort at a relationship with me.

When I said no, he immediately found a nurse and started dating her. They were married four months ago and have a son on the way. Joe never looked back and he moved on with his life. I'm not angry at him anymore. I always wanted him to be happy and he is, so I go on like I'm happy.

When Joe married, I thought Ranger would make good on his promise to fill the empty spot in my bed. He did, but that's all I got of him. He was always gone the next morning, taking part of my heart with him.

We've been sleeping together for the past four months and today was the last straw. I can't do it anymore because I have no part of my heart left to give him. When he left this morning he took the last fragment of my shattered heart. I was done.

I spent all day preparing myself for the confrontation that I knew would happen when he came over tonight. I knew what I needed and must say to him and thankfully I was able to say it all. I laid everything on the line and waited for him to say something. He didn't and I knew then that this was the end.

I meant every word that I said. I will not run back to him. I will not be used as a toy any longer. I was better than that and deserved a whole hell of a lot more than he was willing to give me. It was time to move on. It was time to find someone who can give me everything.

I drove around for what seemed like hours. I wanted to give Ranger enough time to get all of his shit out of my apartment. I didn't want to see him again. It would hurt too damn bad. This was going to be difficult because we work in the same field so we're bound to run into each other at some point. I prayed that I was stronger when that happened.

I pulled into my apartment parking lot and looked for his car. Of course, I didn't see it. He was gone, just like normal. I walked silently up to the second floor and down to my door. There was a note taped to the door that just said 'Babe'. Tears filled my eyes and I sank to the floor in the hallway.

That one word could mean anything. I took this one to mean good bye. It was over and I was truly alone.

Somehow I made it inside my apartment and stopped dead in my tracks to see every square inch of space covered in tea light candles. My breath caught in my throat when I saw the man standing in my living room, with tears in his eyes looking like he lost his best friend. For the first time since he showed up that evening, he spoke.

"I look like I just lost my best friend, because I did. You are that person and I lost you." He slowly took a step forward.

"Everything you said tonight was true, and even some of the things that you didn't say. Yes, I could read every thought on your face." He took another step toward me.

"I never meant for you to fall in love with me. I never wanted that to happen just like I never wanted to fall in love with you. I tried my hardest to keep us from that, but it didn't work. I fell just as hard for you as you did for me and I'm sorry." He looked down ashamed. I started to speak but he held up his hand to silence me.

"It's my turn to talk, Babe. Please listen to me and let me finish." I nodded and and leaned against the door. He was still in the middle of the living room and continued talking.

"I wan't looking for love when I met you. I was happy as a bachelor and thought that I would always be that way. I never thought that you would be the one to finally get me to open my heart. But here you come and you knock me down right from the very start." He took another step toward me.

"Every time you would put your arms around me, I felt like I was home and I loved that felling. But my life is screwed up, so I thought you would be better without me. You needed to let me go." Another step closer and the tears were visible on his cheeks. There was no controlling the flow from my eyes.

"All the times that you let me get close to you and then I would get scared and turn around. I knew they hurt you and I'm sorry for that. I was fighting with myself because I wanted to let you save me to let you love me, but I knew I needed to let you go." He took another step.

"I've never let anyone get this close to me, I hope you understand that, Babe. I hope that you can start to see through these walls that I've built around my heart. They were built to protect me, not to hurt you." Another step closer.

"When you confronted me tonight, my world started to crumble. I knew I was losing you and I had to make a choice. I don't know why you love me. I can't find a reason anyone would love me. I'm a bad man who's done horrible things. I know you would be better off without me, but I can't find the strength to leave you." He took another step.

"I tried my best to never let you in so you didn't see the truth of who I am. I've never opened up to you and I've never truly let you love me. I am a coward and a fool." One more step closer and he was almost close enough for me to touch.

"I realized when you left that I don't want to be alone the rest of my life. I don't want to live without you. I can't live without you. When you put your arms around me, I fell like I'm home and it's a feeling that I don't want to lose." Another step closer. If I stretched my arm, I could touch him. Yet, I couldn't move. I was paralyzed by his words.

"You wouldn't have been happy with Morelli, because our love is too strong. You would have married him and been miserable and I would have died. I'm so sorry for stringing you along all this time, but I thought I was doing the right thing. I got a piece of you and I thought that was enough." He took another step and was almost right in front of me.

"It wasn't enough for either of us. I almost broke you and lost the most important thing in my life. Please don't leave me, Babe. I'm nothing without you. With you I found love and I'm happy. I want to marry you and have kids with you. I want to build a home with you. I want you in my life." He took the last step closing the small amount of distance between us. We weren't touching, but we were close.

"Will you stay with me, Babe? Can you still love me after I hurt you so bad? Can you find it in your heart forgive me? I'll open up to you and promise to let you in. I'm still scared that you'll find out who I truly am and leave, but I'm willing to take that chance because I love you." His hand reached up and rested on the side of my face. I leaned into his touch. God I love this man and right now nothing that happened in the past mattered. All that mattered was the words he was saying right now.

We stood silently for several minutes. I was debating his questions in my mind and he was trying to read my thoughts. I think I did a good job of hiding them because he started to get worried. I did't say anything at first. I simply stepped forward and wrapped my arms around his waist and hugged him to me. I felt and heard him release the breath that he'd been holding in and I felt the wetness of tears fall from his face. I snuggled into his warm embrace and whispered two words that I hoped conveyed my answer to his questions.

"Welcome home."

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What did you think? Good, bad, ugly? Please let me know so I can either get better or stop all together. : )


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